ill be counting.

theres a full moon outside and im drunk. coherent enough to type at least..and enough to read it over and over again to make sure there arent any embarrassing typos.
my friend once said 'dont fear me, fear the full moon'..which hits pretty close to home for me..but the moon is always full when you cant tell the difference between the shadows and the light. when they both seem the melt together enough to blend into one continuous layer of shade, the illuminating light doesnt hold the same weight. it doesnt seem so brilliant.
so its late and im thinking of you. you said that we were so alike. that we were two very similar human beings but you couldnt stand me; you seemingly hated me. im afraid to tread along the rails of this route. to continue walking on this mental brick road. its dangerously narcissistic and profoundly self possessed to think that the problem lies on your side of the court rather than in mine but for the sake of taking this ride to the end and humoring this train of thought -ill continue..but make no mistake, this may be an incredible feat of self evasive ignorance and denial. you said that were so similar but you seemed to hate being around me. was it that you couldnt stand to be sitting next to another version of yourself?  do you not love yourself enough to love another one like you? is that why you 'fell in love' with the types of guys you went out with? the rich egoist that couldnt give a shit about your well being. the conceited jerk that didnt have space for you in his heart because he was too occupied living for himself. maybe they had enough money to satisfy your shallow superficial film of humanity. maybe you simply wanted to sit umbrella'd by his wing. well if thats what you wanted then fuck it and fuck you. i can love you because youre soft. you just refuse to show it. i can love you because i see you dive off the same cliff day after day after day and im amazed that no one will bother to notice. i never wanted to 'take care of you'..or baby you like some 50's american couple. i wanted you to have your own fulfilling life. i wanted you to be satisfied with your own accomplishments and achievements but find relief and a second wind in the synergy we create. i wanted to hold your hand and fly beside you. i dont want a lois lane but i much as i want to be your superman -i need you to be mine too.